Yesterday was probably the worst day I’ve had in a while.

I went to work around 11am to listen to the review my manager had to give me. It was quite shitty and I was really disappointed, however I don’t expect much from her so when I asked, “how can I improve on each of these things?” and she said, “you can’t, really. there’s nothing you can really do better but I had to give you that [shitty!] score,” I was not surprised.

BUT! I didn’t let it get me down. 20 minutes later, I was scheduled for an orthodontist consultation because my teeth have been de-straightening due to a poorly made retainer my previous orthodontist gave me when i got my braces taken off in the 7th grade.  On top of that, my wisdom teeth have been causing me trouble and are slanted at a 45 degree angle toward the front of my mouth.  They are shoving all my teeth forward and jumbling them up in the front.  The whole thing seemed very minor because you couldn’t really see the damage from looking at me but when I got it all checked out by the doctor apparently it was worse than I thought.

So I explain that I want something less visible, like Invisalign, to help push the teeth back to normal, but the doctor says I can only have traditional braces due to the specificity of my tooth problem. I was really upset by this because I absolutely DID NOT want to have braces again, after having them in middle school already. I was also upset because I didn’t think my teeth would be THAT bad, or as bad as he said they were.

Now, ok, I knew I was going to have to go through with all of this, so I’m in the consultation room scheduling appointments with this beautiful brazilian lady who was actually a lot of fun. I had to explain that my parents’ dental insurance cuts me off of orthodontic treatment once I turn 19 (in 4 months. wow, I didn’t realize how soon that actually is.)  So brazilian lady is trying to tell me that we should schedule an appointment to get the braces on SOON in order to get the maximum amount of money from the insurance, which makes total sense.  So I tell her that I need to call my mum and share all this information with her before I go and get myself treated for $2,000 worth of dental work. As soon as I get off the phone, brazilian lady BARGES in the door and says, “WE CAN SCHEDULE YOU FOR TODAY!”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

“YES! TODAY BECAUSE THEN WE CAN BILL THE INSURANCE RIGHT NOW!”

OMG. I’m thinking this is happening waaaay too quickly, but it’s a busy month so I guess I’m going to have to just sit my butt in that chair and get it over with.

So I give her the ok, and the brazilian goes crazy because for some reason she is just so excited for me.

I don’t know what the HELL I was thinking because I didn’t even have TIME to think. It happened so quickly, by the end of the hour they transformed my beautiful teeth into beasts. I look like a fourteen year old again. Maybe even twelve. It’s awful!

So I get in the car and really get a look at all that metal and all I can think to do is cry. So I cried. All the way home. Now, I do this whenever I go through any physical change even as simple as a new haircut.. so the crying was nothing abnormal. I got home, took a nap, got in the shower and headed off to go to Brittannie’s birthday dinner at Zinburger.  I was still extremely emotional and sensitive about getting braces, looking like a middle schooler, and having everyone that I know look at me like that. Not to mention I was suffering from excrutiating pain because my teeth were already starting to move. So I walk up to the table where everyone was meeting at and Ryan and Julie catch a glimpse of my mouth. Ryan was the first to see something which caused Julie to put her full attention towards finding out what I had done to my mouth, and as soon as I said something and she caught that glimpse of metal she shreiked and said “OH MY GOD!”

Then Brittannie gets up (either to find out what the commotion is about or to say hi) and she gives me a hug and asks me what’s wrong (while, I believe someone in the background was saying something about me and braces). Now, none of this would’ve mattered if I was not so sensitive about my teeth and emotional about the events of the day, but all that commotion amounted to me busting out crying in front of Brittannie and everyone at her birthday dinner. I was so embarrassed. I kept saying to Brittannie that I looked so stupid and she kept telling me that it was ok and that I looked beautiful. She was so nice and so genuine about it and the fact that she cared made me get even more upset.

Agh, moving on. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and get cleaned up and didn’t really talk for the rest of the night because I was still emotional, couldn’t eat my food because of the pain, and was a little embarrassed at the unintentional drama I brought to the table. It was not a good night.

So I went home and cried some more, watched TV and cried, Jack came over and I cried to him too, and it was just a huge pity party because I was so ridiculously emotional about the whole sequence of events. (I’m really not this big of a baby.)  Taking all monthly feminine issues into account, adding on the throbbing of my gums, multiplying that by having to show everyone my awful teeth, and the embarrassment of causing a scene in front of everyone was really overwhelming for me so I just continued to sob until I was tired enough to finally fall asleep.

Anyway, that was yesterday and everything is a little better today. I only ended up crying one more time because my orthodontist treated me like a 6 year old when I called the office today to ask them a serious question about some abnormal nerve sensitivity I have been experiencing in my teeth. Without me getting vicious and explaining the whole story, he was not at all helpful or understanding even though I KNOW that I am NOT crazy. But it’s all over and I didn’t get upset today at work, I am just a little hesitant to smile. Idk how I’ll feel about it in a couple of weeks but hopefully I’ll grow accustomed to them. It’ll be another 8 months until they take them off.